100% meant to be fun and I am not in the least bit serious, so please enjoy! =D
Credit goes to tvxqsocks for helping to spawn the wrongness. This story was basically born out of MSN conversations and it couldn't possibly have been written without her.
Title: The Chronicles of Jaechul
Part: One (Chapters 1-10)
Total length: Long. =P
Rating: PG-13 (sex changes, pregnancy, minor violence, and general stupidity. Contains a lot of jokes meant to be read and appreciated by true fans of SM Town.)
Genre: Crack fan fiction. A.K.A, ridiculous parody-like nonsense. Humor.
Pairing: Jaejoong x Heechul
Synopsis: In order to get revenge against Lee Soo Man pushing him down a flght of stairs, Heechul gets the sex change he's always craved. Later he meets Jaejoong and it's love at first sight. This fic is about their daughter, Jaechul. Sort of.
Heechul stood at the top the stairs, staring at Father SM in disbelief.
"We did this once before, remember?" he said, a high note of desperation in his vaguely husky speaking voice. He really should stick to singing.
"Yes!" Father SM said, grinning from ear to ear, "And you got that lovely nose job from it!"
"It hurt, ahjussi! And I don't need any more surgery! I am the very definition of beauty!"
"Father disagrees. We need an excuse to get you into the hospital for some cat scans."
Father SM took a step closer, a disturbingly catlike smile curling his evil lips of company control.
"You do this, see what happens!" spat Heechul.
Father SM breezily pushed him down the stairs, and all went dark for Heechul. His last thoughts were a mixture of "HOLY SHISUS IT HUURRRTSSS" and "REVENGE!!!"
Heechul awoke in the hospital. Next to his bed were flowers, cards, and candies amongst other gifts from what looked like fans.
"Damn that musical genius!" thought Heechul, turning his gaze to his own body. He looked mostly intact...no casts, or anything. He sure felt sore, though.
A nurse came in with Shisus himself behind her. Heechul's nose crinkled as the smell of grease filled his pristine hospital room.
"Shisus!" Heechul cried.
"Heenim!! What did Father do to you?!"
"I ‘fell’ down the stairs again!"
The nurse leaned forward, invading his field of vision. Go away!
"Heechul-oppa, your face is pretty badly beat up, and you're bruised all over. Luckily you didn't break anything! The doctors want to run some cat scans on you since you've been falling down so much lately. And we'll also give you a neurological test."
Heechul pursed his lips. "Send the doctor up here! I have something to ask him!"
Shisus stroked Heechul's ankle.
The doctor entered the room.
Heechul looked up quickly. Oppa?! A male voice called him Oppa!
"The nurse tells me you wish to speak to me," the doctor gushed.
"I have a deep, heartfelt request to make of you, doctor" Heechul said seriously.
"Give me a sex change. Make me into the most beautiful woman in the woooorrllld! I'll foot the bill. It's not like you have much to do, anyway"
"Heenim! Think of God!" Shisus said, shocked.
"Shut up, Shisus! This is important! God screwed up. I was supposed to be a girl."
Shisus's bottom lip quivered as Heechul zinged God.
"But you have to go through a lot of procedures first, Oppa. I can't just give you a sex change."
"Are you sure you really want this, Oppa?" the doctor asked, crying into a lacy pink handkerchief. His beautiful oppa was going to turn into a woman?!
"Passionably." answered Heechul.
Shisus crouched in the corner, sobbing dry sobs of angsty angst.
"Then I'll help you. I'll go schedule surgery. You're lucky, you know, we have the best plastic surgeon here in all of Korea."
"Good. I want an entire sex change, mind you. I can't just look more feminine. Father SM needs to see what his babies will do when he pushes them-...pushes them to the limit."
"You mean like boobs and a uterus?"
Sob. The doctor couldn't hold in his tears anymore. But for his beloved, he would go this far. Medical license in jeopardy and all. Goodbye, Heechul posters.
Heechul zipped up his beautiful new dress and checked his hair once again. He was soooooo beautiful. Wow. Who'da thunk it?
He checked out of the hospital, cackling in his head. It's Father SM's own fault that he never visits his boys in the hospital. Unemotional fiend.
He took a taxi to SM Town and gave the driver a nice tip. God, he was so nice. Wasn't he nice? He was nice.
He walked into the Town itself, enjoying the clicking of his high heels on the pavement stained by talented young people's blood.
Shisus was there waiting for him.
"Heenim, you look so beautiful!" he said, grease oozing out of every pore.
"Thank you, Shisus. Believe me, I know."
They walked up into Father SM's office.
Father SM looked up as he entered and his jaw dropped.
"Shiwon, you know I told you not to bring girlfriends in here!"
"As if I would date Shisus, Father. He's a creepy creep."
Shisus gasped, his large eyes widened with an expression of deep hurt.
"Ah, good point...Who are you?"
At this point, Jaejoong walked in.
"Father SMMMMM, I have a qu- HOLY MOTHER OF GOD THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN."
He immediately clapped his hands over his mouth, blushing. He looked at Shisus.
"Sorry, bro. I swore again."
Shisus laid a hand over his face, consecrating the androgynous beauty. "This relic could never anger our father."
Jaejoong looked at Heechul. Heechul looked at Jaejoong.
Jaejoong tip-toed over.
"Hi," he said.
Father SM tapped his desk with a pen.
"You promised that you'd pretend that you're with Yunho, Jaejoong. You can't be acting like this."
"But Father, I'm straight!" Jaejoong cried.
"Me too!" gasped Heechul, surprised by the truth of his own words.
"You are?" gushed Jaejoong, clasping Heechul's hands in his own.
"Oh, whatever. Just take this outside."
Jaejoong began to lead Heechul outside, but Heechul turned back and looked at Father SM.
"Father," he said.
SM looked up.
"It's nice to see you again," he said.
Heechul smiled. "My name is Chula. Maybe I can do some modeling work here someday."
And they left.
"Heechul drowned in the sea?!"
Eeteuk keeled over. Sobs wrenched from his throat, his eyes pouring rivers out onto Kangin's lap. Heechul was dead?!
"I never told him how handsome he was!" sobbed Eeteuk.
From the other rooms in Super Junior House, sobs and wails mixed with "I didn't know he couldn't swim!" could be heard.
Jaejoong handed Heechul an ice cream cone, shyly looking away.
"Ice cream?! So sweet. I love ice cream."
"Y-you do?! Me too!" Jaejoong said enthusiastically.
"Then here, have a bit." Heechul held it forward for Jaejoong to lick.
"Oh my god, I couldn't."
"We aren't married, or anything..." Jaejoong said, "That's like an indirect kiss!"
They both silently stood apart as the ice cream began to melt, blushing.
"You want to get married?" Jaejoong whispered.
"You want to get married?" he asked again, a little louder. "I mean, I'm a singer. It's pretty cool, right?"
I'm a singer too, you idi-...
"Really?" Heechul gushed. He knew all about Jaejoong, of course. He was handsome, his voice sounded like an angel (Heechul secretly suspected that Jaejoong was bribing God to lend him an angel to lipsync for him.), he had the guts to get a boring tattoo, and Father SM would kill ten goats for him.
And here he was, asking him to marry him!
Heechul said, in the exact pitch and cadence of Super Junior's "Marry U",
[Next part] The Downward Spiral Continues