恵真 (aidenrose) wrote in interrobangfics,

The Chronicles of Jaechul, Part Se7en

Title: The Chronicles of Jaechul
Part: Se7en(Chapters 61-70)
Previous parts: Part one, Part two, Part three, Part four, Part five. Part six, Part eight
Total length: 777 chapters de gozaimasu.
Rating: PG-13 (sex changes, pregnancy, minor violence, language, and general stupidity. Contains a lot of jokes meant to be read and appreciated by true fans of SM Town and other fandoms.)
Disclaimer: This is in no way meant to be offensive. It is intended to be taken as humor.
Frequency of Updates: Every day that is a multiple of seven.
Genre: Crack fan fiction. A.K.A, ridiculous parody-like nonsense. Humor.
Pairing: Jaejoong x Heechul
Synopsis: In order to get revenge against Lee Soo Man pushing him down a flght of stairs, Heechul gets the sex change he's always craved. Later he meets Jaejoong and it's love at first sight. This fic is about their daughter, Jaechul. Sort of.

HAPPY SE7EN DAY, WORLD! That's right. Today is 7/07. And not only that, but if you subtract 2 from 9 in 2009 you get SEVEN. It really is Se7en Day. Might want to send Se7en a special note on his homepage. Hokay, so, we credit our friend Bri for coming up with the idea of creating a special Se7en part (THANKS, YO! ♥). And here's the deal - this is not the last of the Se7en Interludes. If you didn't catch that the first time, there will be seven of them. And this part is dedicated to the dedication of Se7en and Park Han-byul. May they live long and enjoy many more spa outings.

So this time, it was really seriously born out of IM chats with tvxqsocks. We basically role-played this. For an example of the crazy, please visit our profile. Think of it as a deleted scene.


Chapter Sixty-one 2003:

“Bb, I debuted. For you.”
“You did it for yourself, you liar.”
“Why so mean, bb? I said I did it for you.”
“Listen, Dong-wo-”
“Hold up!” Se7en held up his seventh finger from the left. “Call me by my true name - Se7en!”
“Ugh...That’s just your stage name!”
“Bb,” Se7en sighed. “It’s not just a stage name. It’s who I am now. I am Se7en. Se7en is me. And anyway, I don’t even know your name, so you can’t be picky!”

“Fine,” said the girl dat wuz hard tuh git. “Se7en it is...for now. Sign my copy of Just Listen, okay?”
“I’ll sign seven copies seven times each!
“Really, once is okay. I don’t even have seven copies.”
“No worries, my sunshine bb. I carry seven extras with me at all times.” Se7en opened his seventh murse. “Did you know that we released it on March seventh, bb? My managers understand my seventh nature.”
“That’s just so everyone would remember when it came out. Se7en’s album is on the seventh. Duh.”
“No!” Se7en shook his head. “It’s not just that. It’s because they looked into my seven souls and saw what I craved!”
Exactly, bb! You’re so smart!”

Chapter Sixty-two 2004:

“Ha!” The girl dat wuz hard to git leapt over the couch with alarming agility and pointed at Se7en. “Your next album is being released on the thirteenth!”
Se7en opened his arms. “Bb! Give me some love! Come heeeeeere!”
“The thirteenth, Se7en!”
“Of July,” Se7en smiled and wiggled his fingers in an attempt to entice the girl dat wuz hard tuh git to come closer.


“The seventh month, bb.”
“Crap,” she moaned. “I lost.”
“It’s hard to win against such a perfect number, bb. Don’t sweat it.”

“I don’t sweat! I’m an actress! I appear on TV!”

“It’s an expression!” He blinked as she crossed her arms and frowned at him. “Bb, don’t be mad!”
“As if I’d waste an emotion on you.”
“Bb,” Se7en said. “You know you love me.”

Chapter Sixty-three 2005:

“So this is the end, huh?”

“Bb, don’t say that. I’m just going across the sea. I’ll call you and text you twenty-four seven.”
“You’re gonna meet some nice Japanese girl and settle down over there.”
“Bb!” Se7en dropped his luggage. “That’s not going to happen! Not ever!”
“But it’s going to! This always happens to celebrity couples like us.” She sniffed and wiped her eyes. “I actually kind of like you.”
“Bb,” Se7en wiped seven tears away. “You finally said it!”
“Yeah, so?”
“Please say it to me on the phone while I’m in Japan, okay, bb?”

“No,” she said. “I’m not gonna fill your head with crazy ideas that you really mean anything!”
“Bb,” Se7en stroked her cheek seven times. “You’re not ever gonna date anyone else. We’re a one true pairing now.”

“Well, crap.”
Se7en kissed the girl dat wuz hard tuh git seven times and left.

Chapter Sixty-four 2006:

“Hey, bb!” Se7en grinned into his cellphone.
“Hi Se7en.”
“Where you at?”
“A tv set.”
“That’s my bb, working so hard.”
“That’s me.”
“Listen, I’m gonna be home for a while, because of the new album!”
“Always, bb. Always 24/Se7en.”
“Always, got it. Okay, so?”

“So I want to see you, bb! It’s been ages! I feel the loss in all seven of my hearts!”

“Who says I’m still interested in you?”

“Bb, c’mon. You and I both know no one’s ever gonna take my seven places.”
“You have one place.”
“I have a place?” Se7en skipped along, twirling his murse.
“Yeah,” she sighed. “You’re my boyfriend.”
“Awwww, bb!!!”

Chapter Sixty-five 2007:

“Year of sevens, bb. Two-thousand-and-seven.”
“Yeah, I actually already knew that.”

“Bb, you know, even though last year was two-thousand-and-six, I filled it with two Se7en albums. I saved Korea from the sixes. B’cuz you know, bb, that six is the number of the devil.”
“Uh huh. You did well. Bb is real proud of you.”
“Really?” Se7en’s eyes sparkled.

“Yes. One thing, though.”

“What is it?” Se7en massaged her shoulders.
“Your fans are really getting onto us.”


“They think we’re together.”

“We are.”

“They’ll lynch me,” she said, shrugging him off. “Maybe you should just make us official and remind them that you’ll always love them - just slightly less than me, but don’t say that last part.”

“Wait two years.”
“Huh? Why?”
“Because my seventh sense says that our seventh anniversary is the right time.”

Chapter Sixty-six 2008:

“It turns out that you won’t need to announce us after all, Se7en.”

“Why not?” Se7en blinked, looking up from the seventh page of the seventh edition of Se7en’s Secret, his exclusive lingerie catalogue.
“You’re going to America.”

“You’ll find some nice American girl and settle down over there. And then your kid will come back to Korea and be like Micky or Kibum. It’s gonna suck.”
“Bb,” Se7en put the magazine down and hugged the girl dat wuz hard tuh git. “No matter what I love you in seven ways. I don’t even look at other girls cuz I love you, bb!”
“I love you too.”
“Bb!” Se7en lifted her up off of ground and spun her around seven times. “You said you love me!”

The girl dat wuz hard to get shed a tear and nodded.
“Bb, don’t cry. I’ll be back soon, I promise. I’ll call you all the time.”
She sniffed. “I’m a bb.”
“Bb, I didn’t know that you were a Big Bang fan!”

“We’re in the same agency, Se7en. It’s kinda hard not to know that song when all Seung Ri does is twirl down the hallways singing it.”

“Good point. You’re so smart, bb!”

Chapter Sixty-se7en 2009:

“Damn.” Se7en and the girl dat wuz hard tuh git looked at the photo of them with mud plastered on their faces on Se7en’s laptop. “Damn,” they said again. The girl dat wuz hard tuh git leaned her chin on her hand.
“How’d that leak?”

“I don’t even know…” Se7en blinked a few times. “You look great though. That was some nice facial mud...it made my skin all smooth and soft.” He stroked his chin and closed his eyes, reminiscing.
“Time to announce the relationship?”

“Yeah, soon.” Se7en nodded.
“Yay,” she smiled. “Does this mean that when we get married I get to join YG Family?”

“Bb, absolutely!” Se7en threw his hands up in celebration.
They leaned back into their couch and linked fingers. The girl dat wuz hard tuh git looked around his House of Sevens appreciatively. “This house is so you.”
“It is my very essence. Check it, though, there’s a ton of you here too. I put your photos in seven frames.”

“Good. Hey, why did you ask me out, seven years ago?”

“Ai liek dem gurlz dats hard tuh git.”

Chapter Sixty-eight:

“They’re such idiots, bb, you wouldn’t even believe.” Se7en said from his hammock, lounging in the shade of seven very fake palm trees.
“Why do you still hang out with them?”

“Cause I love them with all of my seven hearts! But sheesh. Bb,” he pushed his sunglasses onto his forehead and looked at her. “If it turns out you were born a dude, I’d still love you like no other.”
The girl dat wuz hard tuh git laughed. “I can’t really say the same. Good thing that’s absolutely impossible.”

Se7en nodded. “This one is seven hundred and seventy seven percent male.”
The girl dat wuz hard tuh git dropped seven fruits into the blender and made a fruit smoothie. She poured its fruity deliciousness into a glass and topped it off with seven cherries. Carrying two spoons, she sat down cross-legged on Se7en’s chest of manliness. The hammock swung seven times as she clambered into it.
“Alright, Se7en.” She held up the spoons. “Here’s the deal. I made this smoothie. Therefore, I should get two thirds of it and you should get one.”
“Bb,” he reached for the glass. “You know I love fruit smoothies.”

“That does not beat down my logic.”

“How’s this, bb...You get four sevenths and I get three sevenths.”

“Deal. And I get four of the seven cherries and you get three.”

Chapter Sixty-nine:

“Basically, he’s an idiot.”

“I know.”

“Heechul was always a beauty. He was basically a girl to begin with.”

“Right?! I always thought that!” She spooned smoothie into his mouth. “I looked at him and I thought he was my gender kin immediately.”
“Maybe I should give Jaester some relationship advice.”
“You are the guru of all things love.”
“Am I not? The thing is,” Se7en paused to eat a cherry. “He’s just so dense. He’s like a brick made out of molasses diamonds.”
“Hahaaaaa, that’s the best description I’ve ever heard, to be honest.”
Se7en nodded. “We should hack into his official profile and edit it a bit.”
“So mean,” she shook her head, downing the last of the smoothie.
“Really, though, he didn’t even know about us until the official statement.”

“If he didn’t know who his own wife was, you can’t expect him to realize that we’re a couple.” She shrugged. “And that we’re BFFs.”
“Best friends forever and ever and ever till infinity raised to the seventh power times seven plus seven hundred and seventy seven, bb.”

Chapter Se7enty:

“So where is Jaejoong now?”
“He went back to TVXQ’s dorm. He’s too scared to go home,” Se7en chortled. “Heechul might beat the living daylights out of him. Jaejoong said he’s gonna break up with him.”

“Isn’t Heechul pregnant?”


“What a loser!”

“Now, now, bb. Jaester is our friend.”

“No, he’s your friend. I don’t associate with guys who abandon their pregnant wives.”
“I’d never leave you pregnant with our baby.”

“No duh.”
Se7en nodded. “I see your point. Jaester lacks commitment and mental maturity. He doesn’t even know what a condom is, yo.”
“Pfft! Didn’t he go to school?”

“No, he was busy selling gum in Seoul,” Se7en said as the girl dat wuz hard tuh git stole swapped sunglasses with him.
“Plus,” Se7en drew her closer with a finger and whispered in her ear. “I think he lip syncs!”
“No way!”
“You’re right, he doesn’t.” Se7en said. They giggled.

[Next Part] ¡Viva el Bandido de Labios!

Tags: Character: Bb‽, Character: Se7en likes dem girls‽, Length: multiple chapter‽, genre: crack is crack‽, omg pairing‽: Jaejoong/Heechul, omg pairing‽: Se7en/Bb, what's a rating‽: PG-13
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