恵真 (aidenrose) wrote in interrobangfics,
恵真
aidenrose
interrobangfics

The Chronicles of Jaechul, Part Eight

Title: The Chronicles of Jaechul
Part: Eight (Chapters 71-80)
Previous parts: Part one, Part two, Part three, Part four, Part five. Part six,
Total length: 777 chapters de gozaimasu.
Rating: PG-13 (sex changes, pregnancy, minor violence, language, and general stupidity. Contains a lot of jokes meant to be read and appreciated by true fans of SM Town.)
Disclaimer: This is in no way meant to be offensive. It is intended to be taken as humor.
Frequency of Updates: Every day that is a multiple of seven.
Genre: Crack fan fiction. A.K.A, ridiculous parody-like nonsense. Humor.
Pairing: Jaejoong x Heechul
Synopsis: In order to get revenge against Lee Soo Man pushing him down a flght of stairs, Heechul gets the sex change he's always craved. Later he meets Jaejoong and it's love at first sight. This fic is about their daughter, Jaechul. Sort of.

[READ THIS BEFORE PART SE7EN, PLEASE.
❤]


Mai o mai, whatever could be going on? How will Jaejoong reacts when he learns...? ❤w❤✎

Credit goes to tvxqsocks for her se7en ideas, yo. XD This fic was born out of our crazy IM chats.


Chapter Seventy-one:

“Hello?” Heechul stuffed a cupcake into his mouth, holding the phone to his ear with a dainty, manicured hand.
Silence. He swallowed and licked his fingers.
“Helloooo? Who is it?”
“CHULA?!”
Heechul coughed and started choking. He dropped the phone and spluttered, cupcake bits flying out of his mouth in the most unladylike moment of his life. He grabbed the phone and held it to his ear again, his heart pounding.
“IS THAT YOU, CHULA?”
“Uh…” Heechul opened and closed his mouth. “J...Jaejae!”
“Why are you on Heechul’s phone?! ARE YOU...ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME WITH HIM? I THOUGHT YOU LIKED MANLY MEN!”

“Um, Jaejae…”
“YOU SAID I WAS THE ONLY ONE!”
“There is only you, baby!”

Chapter Seventy-two:

“This is my cellphone, Jaejae.”
“What? But this is Heechul’s number!”
Heechul nervously licked the icing off of another cupcake. “’Yeah…’bout that….”
Heechul?!
Gulp.
“You’re Heechul?”

Heechul downed half a glass of milk. “Kim Heechul would be my birth name, yeah...”
“WHAT THE FUCK. FOR SERIOUS?”
“But I...I really am a girl, Jaejae!” Heechul bit his lip.
“HOW CAN THAT BE?! I’VE SEEN YOU IN THE MEN’S ROOM BEFORE!”
“Yeah but actually I used to go to the ladies’ room too...and uh...I got a sex change….”
“EW.”
“What do you mean, ew?!”
“THAT’S NASTY.”

“YOU SLEPT WITH ME!”

“I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT I WAS GETTING INTO! BETRAYAL DESU!!!

Chapter Seventy-three:



“YOU ASKED ME TO MARRY YOU, JAE!”
“I THOUGHT YOU WERE A GIRL!”
“SERIOUSLY, HOW COULD YOU NOT REALIZE? AND I AM A GIRL.”

“HOW CAN THAT BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?!”
“SO, WHAT? NOW THAT YOU KNOW I USED TO BE A BEAUTIFUL MAN YOU NO LONGER LOVE ME?”

“NO, BUT-”

“DO YOU LOVE ME?”

“DOES IT MAKE ME, LIKE, GAY?!”
“Not really...I kinda thought you were, though…”
“What?! Why?! SE7EN, STOP LAUGHING!”

“Cause of all your Jaeho promotions! That really hurt me, y’know?” Heechul dipped his finger into a bowl of chocolate and licked it off.
“You liked me when you were a dude?!”

“I’ve always liked boys.”
“Did you date in Super Junior?!”

“How is that any of your business?”

Chapter Seventy-four:

“You did, didn’t you.”
“No.”
“Why not?”

Heechul sighed. “Because! There were so many...I just picked and chose...Like at a buffet. I sampled. Grazed. Nibbled here and there.”
“Whore.”
“Excuse me?!”
“I feel sick! You’re telling me that my...my wife…used to…”
“How’s about we look back at all of your past concert performances, hm? TVXQ is known for their fan service!”
“That’s different, okay?! It’s fan service - it doesn’t reflect reality!”
“TVXQ is gay, dude.”
“No we-...holy crap, you’re right. Is Junsu gay too?”

“No, he’s a delphinophile.”
“What?”

“Didn’t you ever take latin?”
“What’s that?”


Chapter Seventy-five:


“I think we should separate, Chula.”

“What? Whyyyyyy? I love you so much!”

“I CAN’T HANDLE THIS.”

“DON’T LEAVE ME, JAE!”
“DOUUUUUUSHIIIIITE...KIMI WO SUKI NI NATTE SHIMATTAN DAROU‽”

“I DON’T UNDERSTAND JAPANESE.”

“IT’S NOT MY FAULT. THEY HAVEN’T MADE A KOREAN VERSION YET.”
“JAEJAE, I LOVE YOU. I DIDN’T TELL YOU BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID THAT YOU’D FREAK OUT.”

“I AM FREAKING OUT!!!
”
LET’S JUST CALM DOWN, OKAY?”
“NO.”
“WHAT?”
“NO!”


Chapter Seventy-six:

Heechul sobbed bitter tears of desolation. Not even cupcakes made with gargantuan amounts of sugar and chocolate could help ease his sorrow.
Jae had hung up on him. He curled up into a ball and softly sung “Press the reset! Press, press, the reset!”
An hour passed and he remembered that he was pregnant, and couldn’t lie there all day in Heespair. He forced himself to get up and did the only thing that came to mind that might remove some of the pain.
He filled the bathtub with hot water and heaps of soothing, aromatic, pink bath salts. He soaked for an hour in it, looking at his super feminine body and wondering how Jaejoong could find him disgusting.
He got out of the tub and applied luxurious creams to his skin, curled his hair extensions and pinned them up, put on makeup, painted his nails, downed a prenatal vitamin, and dressed into the most beautiful dress he could find in his closet.
Jaejae wanted to leave him? Fine, let him. He didn’t need him. He had Super Junior. He stalked to Jaejoong’s closet, sucking on a blue raspberry lollipop.
"SUCKIN' TOO HARD ON YOUR LOLLEHPOP, OR LOVE'S GONNA GETCHA DOWN!"
He opened the doors and Super Junior merchandise came pouring out and he smiled a smile of plot development.

Chapter Seventy-seven:

“So yeah, that’s what happened. How are the lips doing over there?” Heechul said as he pinned up Super Junior posters.
“Supple and soft,” Yesung said over the phone’s speaker. “Sure you don’t want me to come over and lift stuff for you?”
“I used to be a man - I’m fine,” Heechul said, dropping some useless junk that Jaejoong had collected into the trash can and replacing it with a photograph of Super Junior.
“Haha, true! Who’re you gonna make your babeh’s godfather?”

“Mithra Jin.”

“Good choice, he’s pretty epic,” Yesung said. “Now that Jae’s out of the picture, who’re you gonna make your babeh’s father?”

“Out of the picture for now. Damn, child support is gonna own him,” Heechul cackled. “Anyway, that’s where you come in, mi bandido de labios.”
“I get to be the dad?”

“Hell no!”
“What am I for, then?”

“You’re going to get into Jaejae’s Fave Five.”
Yesung whistled.

Chapter Seventy-eight:

“I don’t think Jae likes me, Cinderella.”
“
He doesn’t anything you, so it should be a cinch for you to creep out of the shadows known as the elusive idol category of Who? and get into his confidence. Also - and I would know - touching Jaejoong’s lips is like drinking Silk Chocolate Soy Milk.”

“Ooooo...But why do I need to do this again?”

“He needs to learn what happens when he disses me.”
“Are you sure he’s worth keeping?”

“Honestly? No. But at this point, it’s like he’s turned into Cupid and pierced my heart, and then filled the hole with Essence of Jaejoong.”
“Like a drug?”

“Yeah. A drug that can sing.”
“Chula baby, anytime you want I can detox you.”
“Creeper.”

“Just sayin’…”
“Go get Korean Dude.”

Chapter Seventy-nine:

“Se7en!” Jaejoong dropped his cellphone. “Chula is a dude!”
“No duh.”
“What?! You knew?!”

Se7en snickered. “Everyone knows, yo.”
Everyone knows?” Jaejoong’s hyperventilated for two seconds.
“Pretty much.”
“How come you never told me?”

“Honestly,” Se7en sipped a glass of 7-Up, “it was a test of your intelligence. Like when a mother bird pushes her chick out of the nest and waits to see if it can fly.”
“That’s so mean!” Jaejoong cried.

“Also, I don’t think you realize how violent Heechul can get. Fear kept us from spewing the contents of his relationship baggage out onto the floor.”
“Holy crap…I married a Super Junior.”
“The envy of all fanboys.”
“Fangirls, you mean?”

“Actually, not many girls would really want to marry Heechul. Dude is gay. Almost third gender with those looks and that personality of flowery fairy tales.”

Chapter Eighty:



“Now that you mention it, Yunho did lose a girlfriend because of Heechul’s flower power. Oh, god, do you think Yunho and Heechul were boyfriends?”

“You must be joking. That’d be a disaster that no two other uke could ever beat down."
“'Uke?'”

“I see YG Entertainment hires dirtier Japanese teachers than SM does…”

“Didn’t Yu-...Gheiho...mention that? ‘The seme to my uke’? What does that even mean?”
“Heechul would know,” Se7en coughed.
“That gives me a feeling that it’s something twisted and disturbing, like that one vampire series...Anyway...so they didn’t date?”
“Is the sky blue?”

“Not when you wear sunglasses.”
“
Funkily tinted sunglasses don’t change the color of the sky, yo. It’s still blue. HeeHo never happened.”

“Phew.”

“I say this for Yunho, Jaester…” Se7en cleared his throat. “There’s only you, bb.”
Jaejoong’s eye twitched.

[Next Part] Happy Se7en Day, bb!

Tags: Character: El Bandido de Labios‽, Character: Se7en likes dem girls‽, Length: multiple chapter‽, genre: crack is crack‽, omg pairing‽: Jaejoong/Heechul, what's a rating‽: PG-13
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