恵真 (aidenrose) wrote in interrobangfics,

The Chronicles of Jaechul, Part Five

Title: The Chronicles of Jaechul
Part: Five (Chapters 41-50)
Previous parts: Part one, Part two, Part three, Part four
Total length: Long. =P
Rating: PG-13 (sex changes, pregnancy, minor violence, and general stupidity. Contains a lot of jokes meant to be read and appreciated by true fans of SM Town.)
Disclaimer: This is in no way meant to be offensive. It is intended to be taken as humor.
Genre: Crack fan fiction. A.K.A, ridiculous parody-like nonsense. Humor.
Pairing: Jaejoong x Heechul
Synopsis: In order to get revenge against Lee Soo Man pushing him down a flght of stairs, Heechul gets the sex change he's always craved. Later he meets Jaejoong and it's love at first sight. This fic is about their daughter, Jaechul. Sort of.

HAI GUYZ. How 'bout this new layout? =D
This is the fifth installment in the craziness born out of IM chats with tvxqsocks! XD

Chapter Forty-One:

“Perhaps it’s time you had a talk with Chula, Jaejoong,” Shisus said, picking at his fingernails.
“Huh? Why?”

“That’s what married people do, Jaejoong. They talk about things,” he said. “Communication is vital!”
“I guess so...yeah, I guess a good talk couldn’t hurt….”
Shisus nodded over the phone.
“Anything else?”
“Yeah, could you give me some advice about Yunho?”

“Ask Se7en about it.”
“I did!” Jaejoong sniffled, “and he told me to apologize to him and set up a lunch date for him and Chula.”

“Genius. Well, I’d say you should do just that.”
“Yeah...yeah, okay,” Jaejoong said, “bye then…”
“God be with you.”

Chapter Forty-Two:

Heechul inched on his knees towards Hibum, Super Junior behind him, pencils still behind their ears from the Pictionary game.
“Heebum,” he said, “I love yoouuuuuuuu!”
Inch, inch, inch.
“I love you more than Jaejaeeeeeee. You’re the beeeest, Heebummieeeeee!”
“The beeeeeest!” echoed Super Junior.
“Heebummiewummiebear! Please forgive mommy!” Heechul cooed.
Heebum started growling at Heechul, his ears flattened back against his head.
Heechul sobbed.
Super Junior simultaneously teared up. The sight of a girl crying was too much for their sensitive hearts, and it was all they could do to not put Heebum into a brainwashing machine and force him to love Heechul again.
Then Hangeng stepped forward and picked Heebum up.

Chapter Forty-three:

Hangeng scritched Heebum’s ears.
“Hankyung!” Heechul gasped. “Heebum likes you?!”
Heechul fell back and was caught by twenty hands.
“Hankyung!” he wheezed, clutching at his heart - which he couldn’t actually reach postoperative.
“I’m sorry, Heechul,” Hangeng said, wiping away his own tears with Heebum’s soft blue paw.
“Heebum! You cheated on me the second I was away!” Heechul wailed.
“No, he waited a few weeks! But he was suffering so much, so I offered some comfort and…”
“Mommy!” Heechul sobbed, reaching for Eeteuk.
“Mommy’s here, Heechulie!” Eeteuk said has he hugged his offspring close.
Hangeng looked guiltily at his feet. Or he would have, if Heebum hadn’t been blocking his view of them.

Chapter Forty-four:

Jaejoong, with no place to return to since he had emergency evacuated the TVXQ dorm, sat down on a park bench, wearing sunglasses and a hideous beanie.
What to do?
 And why was everyone acting so suspiciously these days? Always saying weird stuff and then quickly hushing it up.
He opened his cell phone and flipped through pictures on it. Ha ha, TVXQ were such dorks. Oh my god, he thought, as TVXQ’s shenanigans reminded him of TVXQ itself.
Could it be that everyone but him in TVXQ was gay? Was Junsu also gay?
Thinking about it hurt his head. He wouldn’t really put it past Junsu to be gay - I mean, what straight man loved dolphins that much? Always going to Seaworld on his days off, always making dolphin noises, always cracking dolphin jokes. And his room was straight out of dolphin land; everything in there was somehow related to dolphins.
A photo of Chula! His mind cleared and he smiled. At least one thing was going right in his life - he had a wife, and they were going to have a kid!

Chapter Forty-five:

Jaejoong put his thumb over his cellphone’s number pad with the intention of calling Chula, but then stopped.
Oh my god, he thought, I don’t know what her number is!
They’d always been together since they met, so he’d never needed it.
He resumed scrolling through his list of phone numbers. He could call one of Super Junior? No, they were busy drawing pictures with ridiculous time limits and tiny pencils.
Oh, BoA!
Of course. He could call BoA. They were good friends, after all.
He pressed “call” on his cell phone and waited as it rung on the other side.
“...Hey, Jaejoong,” came the stiff reply.
“I’m bored, let’s talk,” Jaejoong said, leaning back against the bench.

Chapter Forty-six:

“Excuse me?”
Why was she being so cold? Jaejoong pouted even more. Impressive, considering his natural expression had been frozen in pouty-attempts-sexy during since his teenage years when he’d auditioned at SM Entertainment.
“I wanna talk,” he whined.
“Aren’t you married?”

“What do you mean, ‘so’? You call me all the time and lead me on, and then you marry some nobody and only call me when you’re bored?” she hissed into the phone.
“Wha...lead you on? I never liked you…,” he said. Why was everything so confusing lately?
A rattling gasp came from BoA, like the sound of a medusa elephant sneezing in reverse.
“You bastard! Go die in a fire!”
She hung up.

Chapter Forty-seven:

“I’m so sorry, Heechul,” Hangeng whimpered.
“It’s okay…”
“No, I shouldn’t have…”
“As long...as...a….” he broke off and sobbed into Kangin’s paternal shoulder.
“Shh, shh...there, there…” cooed Eeteuk, stroking Heechul’s hair.
“AS LONG AS HEEBUM IS HAPPY-Y-Y-Y!!!” Heechul wailed, his shoulders heaving with sobs of abandonment.
Hangeng let Heebum go and bowed down in repentance.
“Come here, Hankyung…” Heechul sniffled, reaching out his hands.
Hangeng shuffled forward, his head hung low.
Heechul smacked him and then hugged him.
“Take care of him, okay? Jaejoong...he...he doesn’t really like cats, so…” Heechul sobbed, clenching fist-fulls of Hangeng’s shirt, “Be nice to him...love him...h-he’s a...a good cat…”
“Heechulieeee!” Hangeng sobbed. The four of them, Heechul, Hangeng, Eeteuk and Kangin, embraced in a giant hug of familial love.

Chapter Forty-eight:

Jaejoong stared blankly at his cell phone. Well, crap. Who was he going to talk to now? And did everybody have a crush on him? He thought BoA was just his BFF.
Was he really that dense?

He sighed.
Small blame to her though, really, how could anyone not like him? If a girl as beautiful as Chula liked him, an uglier girl like BoA would too….
He got up and decided to take a taxi to Se7en’s house. Se7en would never keep him out in the cold like an abandoned puppy.
He hailed a taxi and got in.
“To Se7en’s!” he said, raising his hand in a commanding gesture.
“What?” the cab driver blinked.

“Oh...sorry, the address is 77777 Il Gop Street, Seoul.”
“Gotcha...what a weird address…”
“Yeah I think he paid the city to change it to that…”
“Wow...dedication, y’know?”
“Riiiight? Se7en is the maaaan!”
“You mean like the celebrity?”

Chapter Forty-nine:

“Yeah, the singing and dancing sensation,” Jaejoong nodded as they drove towards his not-so-humble abode.
“He’s hot!”
Jaejoong looked at him sideways. “Hotter than I am?”

“Who are you?”
“Hero Jaejoong of TVXQ!”
The driver tapped his chin as he drove.
“Sorry, I can’t say I know who you are.”

“Huuuaaahhh?” Jaejoong’s jaw dropped and his eyebrows flew up in disbelief.
“Don’t you know TVXQ?”
“Sure...Lee Soo Man’s pet project…”
“We’re his biggest success!”
“Yeah, but I like YG Entertainment. I mean, ‘SM Entertainment’ stands for Senior Men Entertainment, and ‘YG Entertainment’ is obviously ‘Young Girls Entertainment,’” he said. “My choice is clear.”

Chapter Fifty:

“Thanks, man.”
“No problem. You know, you might think about transferring to YG Entertainment...They’re responsible for Big Bang! The start of the universe!”
“Yeah...sure…’bye then,”
“So long!”
He got out of the taxi and it drove away. He looked up at Se7en’s house.
Holy Mother of Siwon, he thought. It was constructed in the shape of a seven. The sidewalk leading up to the front door was also in the shape of a seven. Even the door was shaped liked a seven with a seven-shaped window in the center.
His grass was cut in rows making seven patterns of sevens, the shrubs were pruned into sevens, even the driveway was constructed out of colored rocks to form a pattern of sevens. He almost fell backwards from the sevens radiating their seven powers at him.
Jaejoong pushed the button on the blank LCD display next to the Gate of Sevens, an intricately wrought metal masterpiece made out of seven different metals from seven different mines in seven different countries.
“Hello, please leave a seven worded message,” came the recorded voice of Se7en.
Jaejoong stuck out his hands and counted on his fingers as he said “Hi Se7en, please let me in, okay?”


Tags: Character: Shisus loves you‽, Length: multiple chapter‽, genre: crack is crack‽, genre: fluff is fluffy‽, omg pairing‽: Jaejoong/Heechul, what's a rating‽: PG-13
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