恵真 (aidenrose) wrote in interrobangfics,

The Chronicles of Jaechul, Part Two

The second installment in the epic wrongness of The Chronicles of Jaechul. Once again, all of this is meant to entertain and be funny. In no way is it meant to be offensive.

Credit goes to tvxqsocks  for helping to spawn the wrongness. This story was basically born out of our MSN conversations and it couldn't possibly have been written without her. Special credit goes to her for the idea of hair insurance.

Title: The Chronicles of Jaechul
Part: Two (Chapters 11-20)
Previous Parts: Part One
Total length: Long. =P
Rating: PG-13 (sex changes, pregnancy, mild violence, and general stupidity. Contains a lot of jokes meant to be read and appreciated by true fans of SM Town.)
Crack fan fiction. A.K.A, ridiculous parody-like nonsense. Humor.
Pairing: Jaejoong x Heechul
Synopsis: In order to get revenge against Lee Soo Man pushing him down a flght of stairs, Heechul gets the sex change he's always craved. Later he meets Jaejoong and it's love at first sight. This fic is about their daughter, Jaechul. Sort of.

Chapter Eleven:

"Well, congratulations, Mrs. Kim." the doctor said, beaming at Heechul.
"You're pregnant!"
Heechul's jaw dropped.
"But you know, I had a sex change, and..."
"Modern medicine is amazing, isn't it?"
Heechul blinked.

Chapter Twelve:

“Sex makes what?”
“Babies yo.”
Jaejoong’s jaw dropped as he watched Se7en type furiously on his laptop, a look of deep concentration on his face. No. Something deeper. Seven expressions in all could be seen on his face.
“Like...little people?”
Jaejoong leaned back in his chair, exhaling with a long whistle.
“What are you doing?” he asked Se7en. That tickety-tackety noise of Se7en’s seven fingers typing was getting on his delicate nerves.
“Writing my next best-seller, mi amigo,”  he said. “’Seven Ways To Shave A Cat’”
“’Mi amigo?’”
“I’m learning Spanish now, too.” He paused and took a sip from his coffee cup and savored the taste for a good two minutes while Jaejoong absorbed Se7en’s quest to learn seven languages.
“This delicious brew has seven different kinds of coffee from seven different countries, yo.”

Chapter Thirteen:

“Seriously, Se7en, I need some help. What if Chula is pregnant?”
“You’re totally gonna rock at being a parent, Jaester.”
“How do you know?”
Out of nowhere, Se7en pulled out a slick new book branded with a giant seven made up of cartoon babies on the cover.
Seven Parenting Strategies To Win,” he said, singing “La La La” softly under his breath as he continued typing.
My god, did this man not get writer’s block?
“Thanks, Se7en….really,”
“You’re welcome times seven!” he chortled.

Chapter Fourteen:

"Oh my god, you're pregnant, Chula?" Jaejoong gasped.

“It’s mine?”
Heechul turned two very hurt eyes on him. “There’s only you, Jaejae.”
Jaejoong burst into tears. He managed to comprehend two things: Chula really did love him, and he really was going to be a father.
“I know nothing about kids,” Chula said, toying with a perfect lock of hair extension.
“Neither do I…” Jaejoong stroked his hairless chin, “but then again, I was a kid once…”
There was a heavy pause.
“I don’t remember what that was like.” Jaejoong’s head spun. What to do? The book!
“Aha!” he said, pulling out Se7en’s Seven Parenting Strategies To Win. “Thank Shisus we have this!”
Heechul gasped. Revered Se7en’s wisdom!

“Perfect!” he said, “let’s study it like it were Lee Soo Man’s will!”

Chapter Fifteen:

Enriched with Se7en’s impressive knowledge of parenting (how DID that bachelor know so much?), Heechul and Jaejoong decided to take a vacation to the Republic of Palau.
A beautiful sunny paradise, really. They checked into a sunny villa and languished away inside of its sunny interior.
“You know, Chula, you remind me of someone…”
Here we go, stories of girlfriends past.
“Really?” Heechul said, wincing as he stabbed himself underneath a manicured fingernail while practicing knitting.
“Yeah...You look kind of like Heechul!” he said, suddenly pointing at Heechul.
Heechul dropped his knitting.
“Are you saying I look like a man?”
“Nooo, of course not,” Jae shook his hands reassuringly. “You’re way too beautiful to be considered masculine at all.”

NINJA CHAPTER 15.5: Plz to be reading the sense-making.

Chapter Sixteen:

PPAJYEO PPA- ...Goes the cellphone of Heechul.
Heechul flipped the phone open, throwing a glance at Jaejoong’s sleeping form. That dude was like a rock dropped into the ocean. It didn’t even stir.
“Hello?” he whispered, slipping out of bed and walking out to the balcony. Shisus, Palau was so nice. Concentrate, Heechul! The phone.
“Heechul? Heechul?”

OH MAI GAWD.” Hangeng’s voice drew blood from Heechul’s delicate ear.
“Lower your voice, Korean dude!”

Chapter Seventeen:

“So let me get this straight, Heechulie, Father SM pushed you down the stairs again, and to get back at him you got a sex change and married Jaejoong?!”
“I didn’t mean to get married! But you know, Jaejoong is just so dreamy and…”
“You could have at least dropped us a note. Father SM said you’d drowned in the sea! We’ve been so sad!”

“Yeah? Then why are you the first one to call?!”
Silence is like a moth fluttering around a light. It loves the light. But if it gets too close it will be scorched to death. So the moth just flitters around it until it grows stupid enough to touch the light.
“We figured your cellphone would be underwater.”
“You could have at least tried, you know? If I heard you’d died I’d try and call you for sure!”
Quick, thought Hangeng, change the flow of the conversation.
“Heechulie~~!!! Why did you leave us for Jaejoong? I miss you!”

Chapter EIghteen:

A few minutes passed by while Heechul and Hangeng poured out their hearts into each other’s cell phones. It was almost as satisfying as confessing to Shisus...
“Hold on a sec, Heechulie. I hear a tidal wave encroaching upon this Korean man’s self.”
Through the cellphone, Heechulie could hear a strange noise. It sounded like his old cat hacking up a hair ball. A wretched, desperate, ultimately miserable noise.
“Hold on, Eete- don’t take that! St-”
“Gshello? Hee..Hee...Heechulliiiieeee?” came a voice so smothered with sobs he could barely understand.
“Ahjooooo okaayyy?” sniffled Eeteuk.
“I’m pregnant.”

Chapter Nineteen:

The walls of Eeteuk’s understanding of the world crumbled, and with it, his ability to face his deepest and more well-founded fears. He dropped the phone. Through the speaker, he could hear Hangeng pleading and the sound of receding footsteps, followed by a door being discreetly closed.
“Hello? Heechul?”

“What’s up, Korean Dude?”

“Sorry about that. Eeteuk’s been in a rough state ever since you left. We’ve had to hook him up to an I.V. a few times because he won’t stop crying.”

“Oh my god, that sounds serious. Tell him I’m happy, okay?”
“Sure, but...hey, does Jaejoong know you’re Heechul?”

“Not exactly. My name is Kim Chula now.”

“You gonna tell him?”
“Better me than you.”

Chapter Twenty:


Heechul flipped the phone shut and spun around, smiling dazzlingly.
“Hey, Jaejae...Why’re you up?”

“Were you just on the phone?”

“I, uh...Telemarketer.”
“Oh my god, you know, I get so many of those!” Jaejoong said, leaning on the balcony railing and brooding over his deep hate for prank callers.
“I know,” crooned Heechul, stroking Jaejoong’s shoulder.
“What were they calling you about?”
“Um...hair insurance. You know, incase you go bald.”
“You bought some?!”
“Nooooo, honeybear pumpsicle, you’re never going to lose your hair.”

[Next part] Where's Se7en? D:

Tags: Character: Se7en likes dem girls‽, Length: multiple chapter‽, genre: crack is crack‽, genre: fluff is fluffy‽, omg pairing‽: Jaejoong/Heechul, what's a rating‽: PG-13
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