Authors: aidenrose and tvxqsocks
Part: Fifteen (Chapters 141-150)
Previous parts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, Se7en, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14
Total length: 777 chapters de gozaimasu.
Rating: PG-13 (sex changes, pregnancy, minor violence, language, and general stupidity. Contains a lot of jokes meant to be read and appreciated by true fans of SM Town
Disclaimer: This is in no way meant to be offensive. It is intended to be taken as humor.
Frequency of Updates: Every day that is a multiple of seven.
Genre: Crack fan fiction. A.K.A, ridiculous parody-like nonsense. Humor.
Pairing: Jaejoong x Heechul
Synopsis: In order to get revenge against Lee Soo Man pushing him down a flght of stairs, Heechul gets the sex change he's always craved. Later he meets Jaejoong and it's love at first sight. This fic is about their daughter, Jaechul. Sort of.
Were you guys wondering why there was no DeSung last part? Your answer is here.
14 images below the cut. It's time for Visual!TCOJ! Photographs are credit to the fabulous sj-world.net! Captions byaidenrose! ^o^ And hey, guess what, I really dreamed up this idea (read this part to see what it is! XD). I have weird dreams lately. >_>; (We are shameless Lee Hyori fans.)
The telephone rang, and Heechul’s hand slowly came up in the air. It paused there for a second and then he slapped the phone as hard as he could, sending it flying across the floor, and then rolled over and glomped Jaejoong.
“Mmmmf,” he moaned. “Geroff.”
“Yeah. Shut up.”
“Who waaaaaas it?”
“Jaejae,” Heechul said, his eyes opening into slits. “I’m still sleeping.”
“It could have been important. I’m getting up.”
“But you’re the best pillow,” Heechul said sulkily. “I’ll come back after I check caller ID!”
“Baby it’s our tool, not theirs. Let the rude person who tried calling us at this ungodly hour just think on what they want to say a while.”
“It’s almost ten.”
“Pregnant girls need sleep, okay?!”
“Well...Fine.” Jaejoong sniffed and picked up the phone. “Geez, Chula. You’re so strong.”
“Leftover testosterone in the system.”
“I’m stronger than you, though.”
“Oh, you don’t think so?” Jaejoong looked at the list of callers. “Huh, it was the Ho.”
Heechul sat straight up. “Are you paying for a prostitute?”
“EW! NO! I’m talking about Yunho.”
“You could be paying him for sex.”
“Baby don’t be ridiculous. I just shortened his name.”
Heechul chortled. “I know, I know. Well, you can come back to bed. He can’t have anything important to say.”
“True! Hahaha!” Jaejoong ran at the bed and dived onto it. “Oh my god, it’s like we’re taking a nap.”
“Don’t you love couple naps?”
“I do! Chula baby, you know I’m faithful, ya?”
“I know.” As if you could cheat on this fine piece of woman.
The phone rang again and Heechul picked it up and lodged it between his ear and shoulder.
“Kim residence!” he said, wiping his hands on his apron of pink and frills.
“Ooh hyoong hyoong! I like that. We should say ‘Super Junior residence!’ when people call us, ne?”
“Did you just say ‘ne’?” Yesung said.
“They love me in Japan!” Sungmin giggled.
“How many of you are on this phone?” Heechul said, cracking an egg.
“Three! Yesung, Sungmin, and I,” Shindong said. “Hi Chula.”
“You guys know you’re calling at breakfast time?”
“Are you eating?”
“Then you must be cooking!”
“Hahahaaaaaaa!” Yesung laughed. “AH HAH HAH HAH! Phew. Good one.”
“You know what? I don’t wish I was in that stupid subgroup anymore.”
“You wished you were with us?”
“Well, it was kind of like they booted me out of Trot and replaced me with you. What’s so happy about you, Yesung? Eh? You’re gloomy! Devil this, Devil that. How much darker can you get? Why aren’t you in hell right now?”
“They had a fight,” Sungmin said.
“What? You can fight with the Devil?”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Yesung said sulkily. “He’ll apologize to me soon enough.”
“The Devil can apologize?”
“Duh, Chula. I’m staying up here with my Minniekins until he gets too jealous to stand it anymore, and apologizes to me.”
Heechul paused, sprinkling bacon bits onto the eggs.
“The Devil can get jealous?”
“Can we talk about something else, please?”
“Jaejae! C’mere!” Heechul called over his shoulder. “Sorry, guys. Hold on a sec. Putting you on speaker phone.”
“Awwwww...I don't want him to hear our secrets, Chula!”
“So don’t tell any secrets. Raise that IQ, Sungmin! Raise it!”
“Why are you so mean?”
“I haven’t eaten yet. You should think about this before you call me.”
“What’s up, Chula baby?” Jaejoong walked into the kitchen, sniffing the air. “Oh my god, I love eggs.”
“I know you do,” Heechul giggled. “Take the phone and put it on speaker phone, okay?”
“Okay…” Jaejoong took it and set it back in its place on the counter, setting it onto speaker phone. "Hi guys!"
"Hey, Jaejoong..." they said.
"So," Shindong said. "Have you heard what Yunho wants?"
"¿Que?" Heechul said, looking over his shoulder. "Did Yunho call you, too?"
"No. Go on."
"He left a message on Donghae's phone today. Shall we play it for you?"
"...Why do you have Donghae's cellphone?"
"Don't ask questions."
"Fine, play it."
Heechul flipped the omelet with finesse and skill.
"Baby!" Jaejoong exclaimed. "How did you learn to cook so well?!"
"Se7en gave me his book, Seven Methods to Master Cooking."
"Wow. He's so generous."
"Okay guys! Listen up!" Yesung said. "We're going to play the message for you."
"Hi Donghae!!! How are you, my lovely fishy friend? How's your boy? You guys sexin' it up? Hehe! I hope so! I'm jeeeaalous. But not for long! I'm going to go find my one true love in America, and I want you to come with me. I'm trying to get a bunch of my friends to come so I can lean on them for support when I need to get my righteous courageousness up! Haha! Huuuuuuu. So...My love lives in Forks, Washington...and I thought, why not make it a big hunting trip? I hear that guns are easy to get in America! America is the BBQ kingdom! We can shoot up some werewolves and maybe some bears and deer! I know that Forks has lots and lots of wildlife, and I'm sure that Edwardy won't mind if we take a few. How about it? Okay call me!! I love youuuuuuuuuuuuuu, bye!"
Yesung howled with laughter.
"He wants to go to...America?"
"HA HA...He does."
"Is this about that stupid book?" Jaejoong asked, leaning back against the counter.
"I wouldn't call it that around him, but, yes," Sungmin said. "He thinks it's real."
"Well, that's stupid."
"Yeah, well...he's your band mate."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Guys, guys. The point we should be talking about here is...meat," Shindong said.
"I'm all for fresh BBQ." "Oooh...that does sound tasty."
"I'm a vegetarian," Sungmin said quietly.
"Would you stop that? I saw you eating pork the other day."
"It was tofu!"
"No it wasn't."
"Hey Sungmin," Heechul said, setting the omelet down on their kitchen table. "I hear that in South America, they eat guinea pigs."
"...Ohhhhhhh...That's terrible," Sungmin's voice quivered.
"I'm going," Shindong said. "Meat."
"Mmmmmmmmeat," Jaejoong said, picking up his fork.
"Meat," Heechul said, mulling the word around in his mouth. "You know what? That is kind of tempting."
"I know," Shindong said. "What about you, Yesung?"
"I'll go. I need some time away. Let Lucifer think I'm abandoning him in America."
"Isn't Hell like, beneath everywhere?"
"Yeah, so? He's used to me being in Asia."
"The Devil can get used to things?"
"Would you just shut up about all the Devil-can-do crap? He can, okay? He can."
"Se7en? Why are you in on our phone conversation?"
"My seventh line is always connected to TVXQ-SuJu conversations!"
"You mean, you stalk us."
"Just checkin' up on you, yo."
"Okay...So you've been listening since when? Since Jaejoong entered this?"
"¡Si!" Se7en said. "Yesung, yo."
"Congratulations on your marriage."
"You guys want any gifts?"
"Eh...Okay, send one to Super Junior House. Now that I think about it, that would be really nice. I do like waffles."
"You can make waffles in Hell?" Heechul said, shoveling food into his mouth. "You know those things take electricity?"
"Chula, I thought I sa-"
"Now, now...Chula, let's not ask too many questions. It's not the best time. Now then, to business! I am certainly going on this hunting trip. I feel too thin. I need to beef up on some venison, you feel me?"
"Ooooh! I feel you!" Shindong said. "You're the man, Se7en! I'm going too!"
"Awesome! What about you, Jaester? Chula?"
Heechul and Jaejoong looked at each other, and Heechul raised an eyebrow.
"I do like meat," Heechul said.
"You do like meat."
"You like meat," Heechul said.
"I do like meat."
"Okay, we'll come, Se7en."
"Wonderful. Call Yunho to make sure it's cool. I'mma call my boys."
"Have fun with that. Hey, guys, is anyone else from our family going?"
"Donghae will probably go, and that means Hyukjae will go, too."
"Couple..." Jaejoong winced.
The doorbell rang.
"Hey guys, we're gonna hang up now," Heechul said. "Someone's here."
"Peace out, yo!"
Heechul hung up and exhaled. "Damn, Jaejae. Don't you ever just want time for us?"
"I do!" Jaejoong said, tiptoeing over to him. "Soon, soon, you know? It'll be you, me, and baby!"
"Are you excited?!"
"Aww! Me too! We're going to be parents!" Heechul giggled.
The doorbell rang again.
"God," they moaned in unison. "I hope it's like, a package delivery or something."
"Ho ho! I'll buy you a soda later."
"But baby, soda is bad for me."
"Then I'll kiss you later."
They sashayed over to the door and peered through the peep hole.
"Oh my god," Heechul whispered. "It's Yunho."
Heechul pulled open the door, smacking Jaejoong's nose in the process, and hug attacked Yunho.
"HEY GIRL!" he screamed, spinning Yunho around.
"GIIIIIRRRRRLLLL!!" Yunho shrieked, jumping up and down.
"YOU GO GIRL!"
"DE LE DE LE DAT DAT GIRL!"
"GIRL! HEY U GO GIRL, BABY BABY BABY-"
"BABY GIRL!" they completed in unison.
"Oh my god, I missed you so much!" Heechul said, squeezing him. "It's been like forever! Come inside!"
"Sparkleflower, I love you!"
"Ahaha," Donghae said, finishing listening to his phone message. "You guys have got to stop stealing my phone."
"Sorry, your texts with Hyukjae are just too interesting to not read."
"Get boyfriends, sheesh," he sighed. "Why is Se7en here?"
"Here to commune with my superness, yo," Se7en said, sipping a strawberry Yoohoo from Super Junior's seventh beanbag.
"Nice answer. Hyukjaeeeeee!" he called. "Where is my darling?"
Donghae disappeared into his bedroom while Eeteuk surfaced from his room and began to talk parenting with Se7en.
"Guys," Donghae giggled, pulling a sleepy Eunhyuk out into the living room. "I found him."
"Dude, he wasn't lost," Kyuhyun said, yawning.
"Doesn't matter! I found him."
"You found me," Eunhyuk said, curling into Donghae's side and going back to sleep on the couch.
"So," Donghae said. "Shindong, Yesung...you guys are going. Anyone else?"
"Aren't you coming?"
"I'll go. Hyukjae'll go too. God knows he eats enough. But...isn't Yunho just chasing a character from a book?"
"Who cares?" Kangin said, coming into the room. "I hear something about a hunting party?"
"Yeah. You wanna come?"
"Hell yeah. I've been aching to shoot something since the wife stopped me from blasting Jaejoong into Hell."
"Uh, we don't want him down there. Wait until he gets some good karma before you kill him, okay?" Yesung said.
"Honeybear," Eeteuk said. "If you murder Jaejoong, we can't be together to raise the kids anymore!"
"Relax, Angel. I won't shoot him unless I have terminal cancer, because then I won't be here anymore anyway."
"Don't talk about that!" Eeteuk gasped. "You won't get cancer! Not ever! You're my healthy Honeybear! Soooooooo healthy!"
"Okay, okay, so, me, Hyukjae, Yesung, Kangin, Shindong....Mom, you coming?" Donghae said.
"No, I can't bear to harm small animals."
"What about large animals?"
"You know...deer, elk, bears..."
"Bears?! ARE YOU HUNTING BEARS?!"
"WHY?!" Eeteuk yelled, hugging Kangin. "PROMISE NOT TO SHOOT ANY BEARS!"
"Okay, okay. No bears. Deer and elk."
"You'll come, right? I want you there!" Yunho said, grasping Heechul's hands in his. "I need you there for support!"
"Of course I'll be there for you!" Heechul wiped away a tear. "Of course, of course!"
"Thank you! You're the bestest friend ever!"
"I promise to be your best friend forever!"
"And ever!" Heechul sniffed. "Glitterpetal, are you mad at me at all?"
"Why would I be mad at you, Sparkleflower?"
"Well, because I married Jaejae..."
"I'm over him now!"
"I never meant to betray you!"
"I know you would never do that!"
"No! Mm-mm! Not ever because I love you so much, my bestest best friend!"
"Let's swear on our friendship, okay?! No hard feelings!"
"Okay! Um, um, what do we swear on?"
"Don't you have any spare friendship jewelry lying around?"
"No," Heechul facepalmed. "I could really use some right now! Why don't I have any extra unused sets?!"
"Sparkleflower, don't worry. Don't worry. I know what we can do."
"What can we dooooo?"
"Let's call Hyori-noona! We'll all go shopping and it'll be great!"
"Oh, let's! I haven't seen Hyori-unni in forever!"
"I'll call her right now!"
"Call her right now!"
Yunho whipped out his cellphone and called Lee Hyori.
"Ay Hyori!" he squealed, putting his head together with Heechul's so that they could both listen.
"Hey baby girl!" she cried. "What's up?"
"What you been doing?"
"Let's roll baby!"
"Sparkleflower, you look so beautiful!" Lee Hyori gushed, pinching his cheeks.
"I'm so proud of you. You turned your beautiful gay manhood into beautiful womanhood!"
"I owe it all to me."
"Now, now," Yunho said, drinking an iced raspberry mocha and hating himself for all the calories he was taking in. "You should offer a little thanks to your surgeons."
"Anyone can amputate stuff."
"Yeah, but they did so much more than that."
"You're right," Heechul sighed. "I'll send him a card sometime. He did do a good job."
"A splendid job," Lee Hyori said. "I feel like I could kiss you!"
"Mwah!" Lee Hyori kissed him.
"Do it again, do it again!" Yunho squealed, pulling out his cellphone. "I'll take a picture!"
"You get in here, too, you bad girl!"
"Fine!" They squished together and Yunho took a picture of them kissing Heechul's cheeks while Heechul looked pretty.
"It's so good to be reunited!" Heechul sighed. "I love you guys."
"We love you too!" Lee Hyori said. "Okay girls, let's roll! Time to buy some serious friendship jewelry!"
"Celebrating our friendship with jewels. I love it."
"Oh, me too. I live for sparkly expensive things!"
"Haha! Oh, you!"
"Shades on!" They put on their sunglasses. "Now remember, girls, we're going to conspicuously sexy people walking inconspicuously through the mall!"
"We are photo invincible!"
"By the way, Hyori-noona, are you coming with me to America?"
"I wouldn't miss it for the world, baby girl. I'm coming with you."
"Oh, I'm so happy! Both of my BFFs will be there with me!"
"By the way, I love barbecue!"
"With lots and lots of sauce!"
"Calories be damned!"
Yesung leaned back against the wall on his bed, fiddling with a lock of his deep black hair and fuming. The Gate to Hell was shimmering in all its dark and destructive glory in front of him, beckoning him to go down and be with his beloved. He sighed and looked away. He wouldn't, he absolutely wouldn't, go back down until Lucifer came up and apologized to him for forcing Yesung to reveal his marriage and spark speculations about demonic lunacy over him by sending that stupid email to the live TV show. Yesung's married! It wasn't even funny. It was just mean, putting him on the spot like that.
Yeah, so, he could have just lied.
He gnashed his teeth and crossed his arms.
He glanced at the gate, and it seemed to snicker at him.
"But what if he just meant that email to be a joke? Something for you to laugh at and deny?" the Gate said.
"Shut up," he said. "Gates aren't supposed to talk."
"You think I'm a normal gate? I'm a spy."
"What! You spy on me?"
"The Devil likes to watch you sleep."
"That is no fair. He gets to see me, but I can't see him?"
"Don't you dream about him?"
"See, it's a hundred percent fair and square."
"Leave me in peace, okay? I'm supposed to be shunning him, and talking to you feels like I'm not doing that properly."
"Just come on down and snuggle with him."
"It's your fault, you know? Just go down and apologize for being so uppity and sulky!"
"Uppity and sulky?! Hey!"
"I'm a Gate. I can tell it like it is."
"Well you know what? Tell him that he's inconsiderate for not warning me about that email. And tell him I'm going to America! We're taking a relationship break."
"Say what? He may not like that."
"What's he gonna do? EH?"
"Probably pull you down into Hell and seduce you."
"Argh! Doesn't he respect me?"
"Not when you're denying him contact without even discussing it."
"Just tell him, okay?"
"Fine...hold on a sec."
Six minutes and sixty-six seconds later, Yesung was sucked into the depths of Hell.
[Next part] Character Growth? Say WHUT?