恵真 (aidenrose) wrote in interrobangfics,
恵真
aidenrose
interrobangfics

The Chronicles of Jaechul, Part Thirteen

Title: The Chronicles of Jaechul
Authors: [info]aidenrose and [info]tvxqsocks 
Part: Thirteen (Chapters 121-130)
Previous parts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, Se7en, 9, 10, 11, 12
Total length: 777 chapters de gozaimasu.
Rating: PG-13 (sex changes, pregnancy, minor violence, language, and general stupidity. Contains a lot of jokes meant to be read and appreciated by true fans of SM Town and other fandoms.)
Disclaimer: This is in no way meant to be offensive. It is intended to be taken as humor.
Frequency of Updates: Every day that is a multiple of seven.
Genre: Crack fan fiction. A.K.A, ridiculous parody-like nonsense. Humor.
Pairing: Jaejoong x Heechul
Synopsis: In order to get revenge against Lee Soo Man pushing him down a flght of stairs, Heechul gets the sex change he's always craved. Later he meets Jaejoong and it's love at first sight. This fic is about their daughter, Jaechul. Sort of.


Homophobia is gay. And to Aqua: we will love you forever for what you've done.


Chapter One-hundred-twenty-one:

Jaejoong sighed and moaned and groaned as he sat on his couch, looking at their living room. Once pure in its Jaejoong glory with a hint, a mere aftertaste, of his band mates, it was now divided between the product of his fame and fortune and Heechul’s attachment to Super Junior. It wasn’t just that he didn’t like Super Junior and their newfound spot in the limelight of Ever and seeing Heechul’s now nonexistent masculinity everywhere...
There were too many sexy men in his house. On every wall, on every surface, they smiled their smiles of sexiness and begged him with their soulful eyes to purchase more.
More, more, more!
No. He got up off of the couch and was about to make himself a sandwich when he heard a beautiful noise coming from his bathroom.
“GIRLLL! HEY U-GO-GIRL, DE LE DE LE DAT DAT GIRLLLL! GIRLLLLL! HEY U-GO-GIRL, BABY BABY BAABYYYYY GIIRRRLLLLLLLLLL!
Intrigued, Jaejoong walked towards the bathroom, following the voice of his beloved spouse.
“Baby!” he said, poking his head into the bathroom. “I didn’t know you liked Hyori-noona!”
Heechul threw back the shower curtain and Jaejoong screamed, covering his eyes.
“Don’t be so shy, Jaejae! Come on in! The water’s fiiiiiiine!”
“What? Is that really okay?”

“Why not?” Heechul said, throwing Jaejoong a bottle of shampoo. “Don’t you like singing?”

“I...I do like to sing...Okay, I’m comin’ in!” Jaejoong said, stripping off his clothing and stepping into the shower. Heechul closed the curtain after him and sung a note of victory.
“Is this my mic?” Jaejoong said, looking at the shampoo bottle.
“It surely is, my love!”

Jaejoong cleared his throat and took a deep breath filled with vocal anticipation.
YOU’RE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL WOOOMAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNN!!!

Chapter One-hundred-twenty-two:

“Hi Chula baby!”

“Hi Jaejae!”
“You wanna go for a ride, baby?”

“Sure, Jaejae!”
“Jump in!”

“Ha ha ha ha!” Heechul sang, twirling a wet lock of hair around his finger. “I’m a barbie girl, in the barbie wo-o-orld! Life in plastic. It’s fantastic! You can brush my hair! Undress me anywhe-e-ere! Imagination, life is your creation!”
“Come on, barbie, let’s go parteh!” Jaejoong sang, forcing his voice as low and growly as it could go.
“Oh oh oh, yeah! Oo woah-oh! I’m a beautiful girl, in the fantasy wo-orld! Dress me up, take your time, I’m your dolly!”
“You’re my doll, rock ‘n roll, feel the glaaaaamour and pain! Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky-paaanky!”
“You can touch! You can plaaaay! If you say I’m always you-urs, Oooooh woaah!”
Heechul repeated the notorious chorus of the kinky Danish pop hit, summoning a pink aura of couple love and flower power like never seen before.
“Come on, barbie, let’s go parteh!”
“Ha ha ha, yeah!”
“Come on, barbie, let’s go parteh!”

“Ooooh! Ooooh!”
“Come on, barbie, let’s go parteh!”

“Ha ha ha, yeah!!!”
“Come on barbie, let’s go parteh!”

Ooooh!!! Ooooh!!! Make me walk! Make me talk! Do whateeeeever you please! I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees...I am a star, Jaejae!”

“Me too! Come jump in, be my friend, let us doooo it again! Hit the town, fool around,” Jaejoong winked. “Let’s go paaarteh!”
“You can touch! You can plaaay! If you say I’m always youuuurs…”
Heechul giggled and bit his finger.
“Oh, I’m having so much fun!”

“Well, Chula baby, we’re just getting started!”

“Oh, I love you, Jaejae!”

Chapter One-hundred-twenty-three:


“You didn’t have to come,” Heechul whined as Jaejoong carried him up the stairs toward Super Junior House. “And I can walk.”
“Isn’t this more romantic?” Jaejoong said, trying to hide how hard he was breathing. He really should hook up with Sisus and lift some weights sometime, he thought. “And I just don’t like you being together with so many...y’know…” he paused and sighed, “hot guys all by yourself.”

“They’re my brothers.”
“What?”

“Didn’t you know that?”

“You’re related?”

“Well,” Heechul said. “Not...biologically…You’ll see when you meet my parents.”

“Your parents are here?!”

“Yeah.”

“Wow! I get to meet your parents! They won’t be mad that we got married and pregnant, will they?”

“I already told them. My dad is pretty mad at you, actually, but it should be okay...we got rid of his gun…Then again, he might have more...”

“Your father’s going to shoot me?!”

“Uh, well, he might…”
“WHAT?!”

“Hold on, I’ll call mom first...get him some honey,” Heechul said, putting his cellphone to his ear.
“Some honey?”

“He loves it,” Heechul said. “Plus it pacifies him. Keeps the claws in, you know?”

“No…”

Heechul called Eeteuk.

Chapter One-hundred-twenty-four:

“Hey Mom,” Heechul said, sitting down outside of their front door. “Uh, Jaejoong is coming too tonight…”

“Heh?”

“Yeah. He’s chaperoning me.”

“Oh, so he’s walking you here!”

“No, he actually wants to come inside and participate...and be with me...I mean, we just got back together.”

Jaejoong smiled. and nodded.
“Did you tell him that this is a family meeting?”

“Yes, Mom. I did. But we are married now, so it’s not like…”
There was a heavy pause. “Pumpkin Flower, it’s important tonight. We have something important to discuss.”

“What are we discussing?”

“I forget...but it will come back to me. Is he with you now?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Listen carefully. Airy cupcake hero, pine needle?”

Heechul blinked and glanced at Jaejoong. “Savory mushroom.”

“Rhapsody chocolate sauce, midnight pudding snack!”

“Vivacious excalibur!”

“Graham crackers.”

“Squash! Lego wars.”
“Okay, see you both soon, Pumpkin Flower! How far away are you?”

“At the door.”
Jaejoong stared at Heechul. Heechul smiled innocently back.

Chapter One-hundred-twenty-five:

Sungmin stared at Jaejoong, and Jaejoong stared at Sungmin. Sungmin chewed on a piece of bubble gum and then blew a bubble. Staring directly into Jaejoong’s eyes, Sungmin bit down on the bubble ferociously, crushing it with a pathetic popping noise the implied Jaedeath should he do the wrong things.
Jaejoong shifted uneasily on the couch and glanced at Heechul for support, but Heechul was occupied by Yesung, who had taken a keen interest in how his baby was developing. Yesung put his fingers over Heechul’s abdomen, and Jaejoong scooted over on the couch and karate chopped his wrist.

Yesung and Heechul both turned to stare at him, and he blushed.

“So, uh, Chula baby...Where are your parents?”

“Mom and Dad are in their room. What’s wrong, Jaejoong? Don’t you trust me anymore?” Yesung said, narrowing his eyes.
“No, I trust you, it’s just, uh...Chula baby is so sensitive right no-”

“I’m fi-”

“C’mon, let’s go see your parents,” Jaejoong said, dragging Heechul up.
“No, I don’t think that’s a good id-”

“Why not? I want to meet them...the room down there, right?”

“Jae-”

Jaejoong pushed the door open and froze. Heechul looked inside the room and then face palmed.

“Nom nom nom nom nom,” Kangin was saying, lying shirtless on his back on their bed and wiggling his toes. Eeteuk was giggling and drizzling honey into his mouth directly from the bottle.
“Wr...wrong room...right?” Jaejoong whispered.
“No,” Heechul said. Eeteuk looked up and capped the honey.
“Guests, Honeybear,” he said to Kangin, poking his belly.
“These are my parents, Jaejoong.”
Jaejoong’s jaw unhinged and fell to the ground.

Chapter One-hundred-twenty-six:


Jaejoong leaned against the wall, clutching his heart. The shock was too much for him. Heechul’s parents were two men? So which one was he calling ‘mom’?
He took a deep breath and looked at the wall, immediately regretting the decision yet finding it impossible to look away. It was covered with photographs of Super Junior that any modern fan girl would eat a thousand slugs for. - pictures of them kissing and hugging each other. Everywhere. The only normal photograph there was a family portrait, but even there, a boy was kissing another boy’s cheek. He peered at it further, noticing that the Heechul of old, the hermaphrodite Heechul, was in it. Looking up, he saw another family portrait with his Chula in it instead.
“You look a little ill,” Kyuhyun said, walking up and peering into the other singer’s face. “What happened?”

“Gay,” Jaejoong whispered. “All of you?”
“Nah.” Kyuhyun smirked. “Not so cool with the man-on-man action, huh?”

“No.”

“Same with me.”

“Really? Are you straight?” he leaned towards Kyuhyun, desperately seeking some heterosexual companionship while Heechul was busy.
“Absolutely…” Kyuhyun said. “I love women.”

“Yeah, but you don’t like….like Chula, or anything, do you?
“
"Absolutely not. She is my beloved sister. My one and only female sibling that I love.”

“As a brother.”

“Absolutely.”
“Okay…”

“Why don’t you come with me? I’ll take you someplace that doesn’t have so many...y’know, photographs and stuff. Where is Chula, anyway?”
“Talking with your...your...Kangin and Eeteuk.”

“Oh, my parents.”

Jaejoong gulped and followed Kyuhyun down the hallway. Kyuhyun smiled at him and opened a door; the inside was dark, and Kyuhyun gently pushed him in. Just like that, before Jaejoong had any idea what was going on, Kyuhyun shut the door with a snap. Jaejoong whirled around and tried to open the door, but to no avail.
“Kyuhyun!”
“It’s okay! Just turn on the light and take a break.”

“O...Okay…”
Jaejoong turned on the light.


Chapter One-hundred-twenty-seven:

“What’s happening?” Donghae moaned, yawning and stretching so that his arm subtly fell cross Eunhyuk. “I’m still sleepy…”

“I dunno...I guess nap time is over…”
“That’s okay…” Donghae said, nuzzling into Eunhyuk. “I’m okay with nap time being over.”

Eunhyuk laughed. “Are you? I love you, Donghae. You’re so sweet.”

“It’s because I love you…” he kissed Eunhyuk’s neck, “that I’m sweet.”

Jaejoong gaped in horror, his heart pounding in alarmed alarm. He couldn’t even move his body, he was so transfixed by what he saw. He could only stare in horrified fascination as they rolled around, kissing and giggling and complimenting each other on their sexiness and adorable personality traits.
“God, I love you even more since you started working out...these muscles. Neorago was the best thing that ever happened to you…”

“Except you...You’re the best thing. I love you so freaking much.”

“Forever and ever?”

“Alllllllways.”

Jaejoong found his mobility again as Donghae sat up and pulled off his shirt, smiling impishly at Eunhyuk. He shook the doorknob and tried as hard as he could to open it, but it wouldn’t budge. He fell to his knees and clawed at it helplessly, whimpering.
“Stop!” he hissed over his shoulder, but they paid him no mind.
Oh my god what if they--
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” he shrieked, clawing at the door with both hands as fast as he could, hoping the wood would wear down before his fingernails did and that the damage would be reparable.
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, STOP!!! DON’T DO THIS WITH A PERSON IN THE ROOM!!!
He desperately stuck his fingers beneath the door, trying to fit through.
“HELP!!! HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
The door opened, and Heechul and Kyuhyun stood there. “Kyu, that was too mean of you,” Heechul said, stepping over Jaejoong. “Awww...look at them, they’re so sweet...aren’t they sweet?”

“So sweet,” Kyuhyun said.
Jaejoong crawled out on his hands and knees with surprising finesse and speed, sobbing.
“Baby?” Heechul looked at him leave. “You’ll pick me up later?”

“Uh huh,” he whimpered and disappeared out the door.

Chapter One-hundred-twenty-eight:

“Does anyone remember why we needed to talk?” Eeteuk said, leaning his head on the table. “I keep forgetting why...it’s like...I feel like someone’s missing here but...who…?”

Super Junior were now huddled in the dark around a large table on the floor, with blankets and plushies, seeing by romantic candlelight.
“Nope,” they said, shaking their heads.
“I thought...damn...it was a person, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah! A person, but...who?”

“Hey, aren’t we missing someone…? How many of us are here? One, two...twelve?”
“Twelve, right?”

“...Weren’t we thirteen?”

“Fourteen?”

“That makes sense...Henry and Zhou Mi aren’t here…”

“So we’re twelve…”

“...Is that right?”

“No...Who...I forget what it was. Why do I keep forgetting?”

“Oh, well. Let’s talk about something else.”

“Wait! Didn’t his name start with a K?”

“Kangin and Kyuhyun are both here.”

“But wasn’t there somebody else?”

“I don’t remember…”
“I miss Henry…”

“Yeah…”
They sighed and wracked their memory, kneading their foreheads and each others' foreheads.
“OH! I remem-”

“Yesung, why are you wearing a ring like that?”

Chapter One-hundred-twenty-nine:

“Isn’t that kind of feminine? More than Mommy’s ring…” Eeteuk said, comparing them. “What is that? A blood diamond?”

“Yeah,” Yesung said, holding out his hand for all to see. Suddenly there was a hushed silence as everyone in the room came to a collective realization.

“Is that a wedding ring?”

“Maybe.”

“What the hell is maybe?”

“Why is it like a woman’s ring…? Is that...Yesung, did you become an uke for someone?!”

“Hell yes!”

“What?”
“I mean hell no...”

“You said hell yes first.”

“Well, then that’s probably the truth.”

“Yesung,” Eeteuk said in a hushed voice. “Did you get married?”

“Maybe we should get married,” Eunhyuk said, looking at Donghae sweetly.
“Mom,” Yesung said. “Dad. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“Daaaaamn...You really married him, Yesung?” Donghae said.
“When he asks, you don’t say no,” Yesung said, nodding his head.
“That be the truth.”
“Indeed.”

“Yesung,” Eeteuk said, suddenly sniffing as tears began to fall. “You eloped with him?”
“I’m sorry.”

“I missed your wedding!” he sobbed on his shoulder. “You should have invited us! Your Mommy and Daddy who love you so so much. And you’ll never have another…WHY?!”
“Divorce is illegal down there…”

“That isn’t what I meant.”

“I know. I just didn’t think that you’d understand...I mean…” Yesung glanced at Sisus, who blinked innocently and unknowingly back at him.
“Sorry.”

“I WANTED TO HAND YOU OFF!!!” Kangin howled.
“I WANTED TO SEE YOU GET MARRIED!”

“I WANTED TO BE YOUR BEST MAN!”

“READ POETRY!”
“DANCE!”

Chapter One-hundred-thirty:

“They seemed pretty upset,” Yesung said, lying in the Devil’s lap. The Devil looked down at him and teased him with a chocolate truffle.
“They’ll get over it when they see how happy you are.”

“Am I happy?”

“Aren’t you happy with me?”
“Sure,” Yesung sighed. “Soul mates. Right?”

“That’s right,” the Devil purred, letting Yesung take a small bite of the truffle.
“Still, my mom was crying for hours about it. My dad too. They really wanted to be there. I didn’t think everyone would be so hurt.”

“You’re loved.”

Yesung bit his lip and looked up at the Devil tearfully. “They never tell me that they love me.”

“Neither do I.”
“But you still…” Yesung trailed off and they stared at each other. “Do you love me?”

The Devil smiled and put the rest of the truffle into his mouth.
“Do I make you happy?”

The Devil looked down at him stonily for a few seconds. “Can’t you tell?”

“I don’t really see much of a change in you, to be honest.”

“Just because I don’t shout in glee around you, doesn’t mean I don’t feel,” the Devil said, licking a spot of chocolate off of Yesung’s lip. “Do you think I love you?”

“Do you?”

“Do you think I do?”

“You asked me to marry you.”

“But that could be for a lot of reasons, no?”

“That’s true. But I don’t really see why else you would.”

“So what do you think?”
“I think you must love me.”
“With a burning passion, Yesung.”

[Next Part] Se(7en)xy!


Tags: Character: El Bandido de Labios‽, Character: El Diablo‽, Length: multiple chapter‽, genre: crack is crack‽, omg pairing‽: Devil/Yesung, omg pairing‽: Eunhyuk/Donghae, omg pairing‽: Jaejoong/Heechul, omg pairing‽: Kangin/Eeteuk, what's a rating‽: PG-13
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